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Dear pizza boys and slutty librarians. As much as I like to strut my stuff, I prefer not to exposure to my manhood. Why? Because I believe in the power of suggestion. Also, I think pixelated bits are kind funny. Anyway, go and make some porn, don’t go R-rated, go XXX!
1. Start working in the service industry
2. For instance, be a pool-boy or an encyclopaedia salesman
3. Be inventive, use interesting chat-up lines: e.g. Would you like a pearl necklace?
4. Work on your charming smile
5. Practise stripping, best have your clothes come off under 5 seconds
6. Research on your interest groups, like MILFs may not like Milkmen
7. Work on your image, e.g.: Do not give deer in headlight look the Bear/Wolf/Otter community
8. Always be conscious with the angles of views
9. Earn money with your money shots
10. Always refuse scat, if you think jazz music a bit shit
Remember your penis is like your religion, only shove it down the throats of like-minded people.
Your honour! For a person who LOVES argument for the sake of argument, I don’t care which side of the fence I am arguing for or against, as long as I am having a good mental exercise. Mental yes, this is what I am, a devil’s advocate. I speak on your behalf, and I will defend your(my) view to (your)death. You may also use this lesson in conjunction with my previous tutorial “How To Effectively Win An Argument”.
How To Be An Advocate
1. Prepare a long and stiff paper, preferably red
2. Fashion a beautiful and spiky devil’s tail
3. Put on a pair of clean and sassy underwear
4. Tug your devil tail in your trousers
5. Be sure to start your career by devilling, apparently in Scotland
6. After a period of devilling and becoming a drunk devil (well, it’s Scotland), be admitted to the bar
7. Nevermind whether it was a local bar, gay bar, lesbian bar, dungeon bar or the bar association. Get in
8. Consider the two sides of the same coin when presented a case and for an argument
9. Then take the other side of the coin, and put it in your wallet
10. Practise the art of talking out of both sides of your mouth, it’s good for your career
11. Thing is, you probably will give someone the seamy side of life, when you get out of bed on the wrong side
12. Even you may be a boy with a thorn in his side, behind the hatred where lies your murderous desire, don’t take that side
13. For they will never believe you, and you won’t be a very good devil’s advocate
14. On the flip side, once the goal of your advocation and points are taken, take off your trousers, show them your beautiful devil’s tail and firm bottom
15. Reveal that you have been the Devil’s Advocate
16. Avoid exorcism