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Hi cubs. A friend of mine sent me an email about obtainable love. He seems to be looking in the wrong places, but I will say it’s stupid. You just need to go on hunting more (fishing if you like ponds). Well… I quite like bear cubs, so I will trap them with salmons and honey.

How to ensnare a lover

1. Set a target group

2. Move over to regions near the habitat of your targets

3. Collect data on the likes and dislikes of your prey

4. Bring their favourite food

5. Find out what their favourite hang-out

6. Visit their favourite hang-out

7. Bring a trap with you

8. Set up the trap around you

9. Smear yourself with their favourite food

10. Wait

11. Trap your victim when he/she approach

12. Have your filthy ways with your prey

13. Engage your victim in a cage

14. Let them suffer from Stockholm Syndrome

15. You will find yourself a brilliant empathic pet-lover

Caution
Do not get caught
Fight off competition
Bring good salmons


This cruel tutorial is brought to you by Linus & The Feel Good Factory.