Good tidings we bring on the summer solstice from SOL INVICTVS
Solar Disc: Found
Brilliant Good-looks: Model’s own
Splendid Aura: Model’s own
Bright Future: Sold
The Sun of God: Begotten, not made
Taken in 2010, photographer: www.thomasbouffioulx.com
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Hi cubs. A friend of mine sent me an email about obtainable love. He seems to be looking in the wrong places, but I will say it’s stupid. You just need to go on hunting more (fishing if you like ponds). Well… I quite like bear cubs, so I will trap them with salmons and honey.
How to ensnare a lover
1. Set a target group
2. Move over to regions near the habitat of your targets
3. Collect data on the likes and dislikes of your prey
4. Bring their favourite food
5. Find out what their favourite hang-out
6. Visit their favourite hang-out
7. Bring a trap with you
8. Set up the trap around you
9. Smear yourself with their favourite food
10. Wait
11. Trap your victim when he/she approach
12. Have your filthy ways with your prey
13. Engage your victim in a cage
14. Let them suffer from Stockholm Syndrome
15. You will find yourself a brilliant empathic pet-lover
Caution
Do not get caught
Fight off competition
Bring good salmons
This cruel tutorial is brought to you by Linus & The Feel Good Factory.
170
Ave, peeps. We are all doomed to die. Except the Gods, all living things are doomed to die. In order to live forever, we need to rise to the rank of Gods and cease their powers. Usurp them, and become Gods ourselves.
How to be immortal
1. Choose a specific God to usurp according to your religion
2. I am not religions, but I will demonstrate how to overthrow Hades, the Greek God of the Dead
3. Give offering to Hades
4. Be blessed by other Deities, and be purified for the sins you will commit
5. Descend into the Underworld
6. Flatter Hades and his consort
7. Steal his Helm of Invisibility
8. Steal his consort
9. Bind Hades
10. Depose him
11. Rape if you like…
12. Take his throne and enjoy his supper of ambrosia and nectar
13. Rule over the dead, as you are now a new God
Caution
Do not confuse Helm of Invisibility with Harry Potter’s Cloak of Invisibility - Or you will end up in a different world.
This audacious tutorial is brought to you by Linus & The Feel Good Factory.
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Hydrogen and helium. We are all children of the stars, produce of the universe. Whilst some will be dwarves, others will shine. We have to use all our gravitational forces to help us pull. And if you pull, pull like a star.
How to be a star
1. Begin your life as star. Start exploding
2. When you start shinging and becoming a star, you will realise there are little starlets around you
3. Blow off dust around them and reveal their faces
4. They may be called planets because they wander around you
5. Their lives rely on you
6. Their lives revolve around you
7. Your great gravitational attractiveness will start to pull them
8. Since you are very attractive, your followers may come closer than they should
9. Some of the planets can get very hot and steamy when they approach you
10. Some are icy cold and distant, but stalk you from afar
11. Some only come to you once in a while, but when they come, they release a vast amount of steam, and liquid. Exhausted, their rock hardness will then turn into cinder
12. And when you see a planet, if you like it, then you shoulda put a ring on it
13. When a planet has fallen into your gravitional field, you will have successfully pulled it
14. The laws of physics will govern, and you two will get physical
15. With it has entered you, the process of fusion will begin
16. Fusion releases a lot of energy and heat. New material may be born
17. Before you die, have a mighty supernova and shine brighter than all other stars
18. But you are also likely to stop being a star and become a massive blackhole, which sucks a lot
This astrological tutorial is brought to you by Linus & The Feel Good Factory.
