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Hydrogen and helium. We are all children of the stars, produce of the universe. Whilst some will be dwarves, others will shine. We have to use all our gravitational forces to help us pull. And if you pull, pull like a star.

How to be a star

1. Begin your life as star. Start exploding

2. When you start shinging and becoming a star, you will realise there are little starlets around you

3. Blow off dust around them and reveal their faces

4. They may be called planets because they wander around you

5. Their lives rely on you

6. Their lives revolve around you

7. Your great gravitational attractiveness will start to pull them

8. Since you are very attractive, your followers may come closer than they should

9. Some of the planets can get very hot and steamy when they approach you

10. Some are icy cold and distant, but stalk you from afar

11. Some only come to you once in a while, but when they come, they release a vast amount of steam, and liquid. Exhausted, their rock hardness will then turn into cinder

12. And when you see a planet, if you like it, then you shoulda put a ring on it

13. When a planet has fallen into your gravitional field, you will have successfully pulled it

14. The laws of physics will govern, and you two will get physical

15. With it has entered you, the process of fusion will begin

16. Fusion releases a lot of energy and heat. New material may be born

17. Before you die, have a mighty supernova and shine brighter than all other stars

18. But you are also likely to stop being a star and become a massive blackhole, which sucks a lot


This astrological tutorial is brought to you by Linus & The Feel Good Factory.